the green gloom

Summer is good for a lot of things.

I. ice cream

 II. ending

III. beginning

IV. sleeping

mayday, mayday

Power source: Peanut Butter
Dreams of: Reality
Age: ?
(let's just say that since his mid-life crisis is afoot; his life expectancy is 30)

(about sums it up)

Also.
I know the cat-ness ratio in the latest pictures
has been exorbitant.
But they require their homage.

We know the punishment. 

roar like a coward

You may have heard it thrown out caustically, or banned quickly in a blind fear;

it may have lurked around in your own thoughts before;

but you have seen this perception.

Christians don't get to really live life! 
Giving your future to God is giving up all your chances and opportunities.
Not following your own heart?
What . . . a sacrifice.

Let's talk about sacrifice. 
But first an old poem.

"His Plan for Me"

When I stand at the Judgment Seat of Christ
And He shows me His plan for me,
The plan of my life as it might have been,
Had He had His way; and I see

How I blocked Him here, and I checked Him there
And I would not yield my will,
Will there be grief in my Saviour's eyes,
Grief though He loves me still?

He would have me rich, and I stand here poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I cannot retrace.

Then my desolate heart will well nigh break
With tears that I cannot shed;
I shall cover my face with my empty hands;
I shall bow my uncrowned head.

Lord of the years that are left to me,
I give them to Thy hand;
Take me and break me, mold me to
The pattern Thou hast planned.

Martha Snell Nicholson

So often I worry if I'm doing it right.  What if I choose the wrong choice? 
Imagine how my future could have gone with a different decision!
I know I've made choices that have led to ruin before;
and I can count on the fear that promises I'll do it again.
So, often I stress about tomorrow, and try to control the direction of my life; relying on my own wisdom like one trying to swim in the reflections rain will paint on murky streets and city sidewalks.

But why, why lean on my own wisdom when I could have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that I may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.  (Colossians 2)

And why toss in a pother in the thin hours of the morning about my little plans and huge dreams that could go wrong when within my grasp is a sure road to take, a road following the Person who loves me infinitely, and infinitely more than I can ever deserve?

When I rule my own life; I am subject to a life of fate that will disappoint and coincidences that can never happen as dreamed. All this while I'm shoving a life of eternal purpose behind me and ignoring a still, small voice.  When I fall back on my old, familiar nature and those old, familiar wants, I turn my back on Jesus' fulfillment for me and submit my steps to chance.   

Instead of shaping myself to try to be perfect and important in what I do
as the old self would snap at success; God calls me to give up fighting my invisible armies 
to rest in the shadow of His right hand.  For my entire life, every single day, it's not about what I do;
it's just about how I do it.  God wants me to be working wholeheartedly for Him in whatever I do.
If I stop boiling over trying to live right and let God live in me . . .
if I put my heart and life and will up and say, 'God, I will live this life for you'-
He is going to use that right where I am!
That will look like doing school.  Wholeheartedly, and working at it for God.  School! 
It looks like being a servant in my family when I desperately want to be served,
and not being distracted with the pull of glinting mirages and the magnet of closed doors. 
So sometimes following His plan is simply getting lost in His presence,
falling back in love with Jesus and waiting on the small voice to open those doors
and show you His plans.  A future so sure that you have nothing but hope for it. 
That's what I call living.

 Proverbs 3:5-7
 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.

Unless whatever I'm doing is God's plan, then I can only be wasting my time. 
Unless whatever I do is for God's glory, then what could I have done? 
It can only be fleeting, harmful, dead. 
So when someone (or yourself) asks you why you'd say 'no' to so much sin,
and give up your dreams to love an enemy, and go around practically acting
as if you were actually dead to yourself(fancy that), making such 'sacrifices' for God . . .
ask them when they'd like their heart's definition of 'want' to transform from sin to righteousness,
when they'd like to receive an unconditional love that saves,
when they'd like to achieve the impossible,
and when they'd like to stop chasing happiness and start being blessed beyond hope
with life and peace and meaning.  

Proberbs 3:13-17

 Blessed is the man who find wisdom, the man who gain understanding,
for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.
She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.

black and white all over; brush and mask and stars

We're commanded to be in the world but not of it. 

It can be pretty tricky to stay cool in a pot of boiling water, though . . . because the world has this voice that's both loud and persuasive.  Uncommon . . . but humanly plausible. 
Now, for having a lot of low standards, the world sure has some nigh-well impossible ones, too. 
What is this voice yelling at us?  You need to be perfect.  You need to be successful.  You need to be happy.  You need to follow your heart.  You need to spend your life on yourself.  The world is all about
who we are. 

So, who are you?  Oh, I’m a pilot.  I’m a dancer.  I’m a photographer.  I work at London Zoo, beat that!

Who I really am . . . isn’t actually what I do.  It would have to be why I do it. 

I may write, but I am not a writer.  I am why I write. 
Who I am is not 'one who goes to the sea'; I am why I need the sea.

I am why I fear, and why I remain silent.   
I am why I laugh and why I fight.  I am why I give up.   I am why I dream,  and why I believe.

 

So what is the why?  

I was born separate from perfection.
Stuck with futile why’s that sounded good enough,
but whose results weren't getting me anywhere. 
The world's voice was all I had to hold onto, because it was my own.
 I knew I needed to change, so I try and  I scheme and I can’t make better myself. 
I can work my whole life and not get out of this. 
I can’t even stop the strongest things I can claim as my own from, one day, dying. 
I can’t stop my love from bending with time;
it was born flawed and doomed to grow cold.
I'm trapped. 

I was doomed with my eternal separation;
I owed God a perfect life, and I didn't have one. 
Freedom could only be bought; and I had dead leaves to offer.
I had no way.
Then. The best, most amazing thing on earth.
Jesus bought my freedom for me.
This beautiful thing that can't just 'happen'; it's God's actual plan for you,
this love that has to wait for us to answer the door;
this choice that looks like me, unable to walk to God, unable even to crawl to Him,
just asking Him, "Change me."
He saved who I was,
and who He is makes up for what I'm not.

God never owed us anything.  But He did everything!
Now freedom can be received. 
Now we have a Way.  Access. 
I have been crucified with Christ.  I'm not my own! 
I rely on an outside Source
who chose to be an inward One.  That means that when I rose,
I rose as a new person, with a new fate, and a new Master. 
New why’s.  One’s that aren’t my own. 

Of course these ghosts remain, these old why's of mine that wrestle for control,
the ones I sometimes listen to.
I'll forget all about how free I am
and start building these little kingdoms,
these cages trying to make me someone I don't need to be.
But once again I'm freed when the voice of Truth reminds me
it's not about who I need to be;
God freed me from that, too.

These are things we have to keep fighting against as long as we breathe,
but they are not what's meant for us.  They are not our future.
(This is the gift of mortality, folk.)
They will not remain forever, because Jesus rose over all sin.
Sin is fighting a battle that was lost two millenniums ago. 

Who I am simply comes down to
a trusting heart and a doubting mind
but also a soul that is now the asymptote between. 
A soul that's alive all because of Jesus. 
 
The cool thing is . . . I'm not the only one. 
God will redeem; just ask.